In celebration of Fortnite's new buff unicorn cereal mascot
Stays crispy in saliva 'til well after lunch.
Fortnite's new season got underway yesterday, and fans are now getting to know its new characters included in the latest Battle Pass.
There's an old-time toon version of Fishstick you can colour with paint collectibles, a Soviet chimp cosmonaut and the Marvel villain Carnage, among others. And then there's this incredible specimen: Fabio Sparklemane.
Sparklemane is the mascot for a cereal named Unicorn Flakes, a breakfast product which appears to harbour a dark secret.
Via his built-in emote, which plays Fortnite's latest ultra-catchy song, we learn there's more troubling ingredients to the cereal than a simple bowl of high fructose corn syrup.
Here's the first verse of the cereal's jingle (thanks to cg11421 and other Fortnite fans on reddit for working out all the words):
There once was a unicorn with magical feet / That shares yummy rainbows with everyone he meets / They're crunchy and they're chewy and they'll give you tummy aches / Everybody gets some Unicorn Flakes!
"It's a party in my hoof!" Sparklemane then shouts, happily eating.
Everything starts fine, it seems, even if Sparklemane appears to begin an acid trip after inhaling his first large mouthful.
But the song continues.
The second verse explains:
With five kinds of magic and crunch with a punch / Stays crispy in saliva 'til well after lunch / Guzzle magic from your hoof until your breakfast spirit breaks / Everybody gets some Unicorn Flakes!
"I cannot stop! Help me!" Sparklemane shouts, still eating.
Sparklemane's enjoyment of the cereal now seems to be gone, as further verses explain "The hoof is a curse that must be obeyed / You can never escape what the rainbow has made".
As the music transforms from pop jingle to heavy rock ballad, Sparklemane begins to repeat that those watching should "partake of my hoof" and that he "cannot stop".
Not since the Butter Barn have I been so transfixed by a piece of Fortnite music. It is quite something.
