It's finally possible to legitimately get The Stanley Parable's 'don't play for five years' achievement
This is not a challenge, it's a tragedy.
The Stanley Parable, AKA the greatest game about a Stanley ever made, is five years old today. And, through the passing of time, it's finally possible to legitimately acquire one of the game's most elusive achievements.
Developed by Davey Wreden and William Pugh, The Stanley Parable is either, depending who you ask, an absurdist first-person office comedy, a wry rumination on the nature of agency in video games, or a harrowing existential nightmare of the soul. Or, perhaps, all three. Or none?
In a long list of wonderful things to be found in The Stanley Parable, ranging all the way from its omnipresent narrator to the majestic Adventure Line, are some delightfully daft achievements. One, for instance, can only be unlocked if the game is played for a full 24 hours on a Tuesday. Another, Unachievable, has reportedly seen its secret achievement criteria changed frequently - although 4.4% of players have still somehow managed to get it.
Up until now, however, one achievement has remained steadfastly impossible to acquire - legitimately at least. Go Outside, as it's known, can only be unlocked once The Stanley Parable hasn't been played for five years. Given that the game released on Steam on October 17th, 2013, today is the first time in history (as Davey Wreden reminded the world on Twitter) that it's been possible to snag the achievement without screwing with your PC's internal clock. 7.4% of players, incidentally, already have Go Outside, the dirty cheaters.
Of course, the caveat is that you'll only be able to unlock the achievement right now if you haven't turned The Stanley Parable on since launch day. A cursory glance at Steam tells me that I last fired it up on April 15th, 2016 - so, regrettably, I've still got a bit longer to wait.