Jambo! Safari

In the arcade game capturing animals was a tense, challenging affair. You had to get the balance just right, hauling them closer and closer without allowing the rope to snap, and it often did. In the Wii game the process is much less fraught - there's a meter to show you just how close the rope is to breaking, and animals stay attached no matter how far you veer off course or how many trees you drive through. In other words, Jambo! Safari has been dumbed down - which is quite a feat considering it was spectacularly dumb in the first place.

It's also been niced up thanks to the addition of a proper story mode and the aforementioned worthy missions. You start out by choosing your character from a choice of two men and two women. The men adopt manly poses, tugging on their goatees or making the heavy metal sign with their hands. The girls turn around so you can see their pert buttocks while they gaze over their shoulders at you coquettishly. You can give your character different haircuts and outfits, choosing from a range of utility vests and flak jackets for the men or tight shirts and low-cut vests for the women. New goodies can be unlocked and purchased as you complete the tedious missions.

Customisation is handled in the Ranch, which is also where you can view trophies you've won and pictures you've taken. Photographs are displayed on a pinboard made of cork, which has the most realistic texture in the entire game. Head outside the Ranch and you'll find a map which you can use to teleport to unlocked areas, plus a garage where you can select different vehicles. And finally there's the Animal Enclosure, where animals you've captured are kept (up to a maximum of three). Here you can find out more information about the animals, heal them when they're sick and give them stupid names.

All of this is of course deadly boring so best just get straight onto the plains and start trying to mow down cheetahs. Happily, animals' moods are still indicated by emoticons which appear above their heads. The manual offers a full explanation of these. The best ones are Rage ("The animal is in a very bad mood, resisting violently"), Straining ("The animal is being roped" - that's rOped) and Playful ("The animal acts as if they want to be chased". Saucy).

As you drive around you'll also see icons representing various types of mission. These generally range from monotonous to mind-numbing. You might have to complete a pathetically easy time trial, for example, or pick up bits of rubbish which float magically in mid-air, or drive a tourist to a poorly animated waterfall. The most enjoyable missions are those where you have to catch animals within a time limit, just like old times.

The order in which you complete missions is up to you, but you must finish off a minimum amount before the next area is unlocked. It's all a bit Grand Theft Auto: Serengeti, with zebras instead of hookers and graphics that are 0.000000002 per cent as good. None of the objectives are particularly challenging and at no point is there any actual blood or maiming. Gold sparkles do emanate from your lasso when you swing it though so that's good.