Jesus beats up Buddha in the awful-looking Fight of Gods
Christ almighty.
There's a lot of crap on Steam. Now, there's some more crap.
Steam Early Access game Fight of Gods is an awful-looking 2D fighting game that attempts to answer the eternal playground question: who would win in a fight between Jesus and Buddha?
Really. As of today you can actually play as Jesus and beat up Buddha.
Jesus punches Buddha in the face with the splintered parts of his cross, which are still nailed to his wrists because Jesus doesn't waste any time. He also wears a crown of thorns and a belt of thorns. Buddha, on the other hand, can slap Jesus into submission.
You can also play as Moses and use the 10 Commandments to bash in your enemy's face, then drown them in a parting of the sea special move.
The game looks like it was designed for mobile and ported to PC. It's built by a Taiwanese studio called Digital Crafter and published by PQube, the latter of which really should know better.
The video proclaiming the return of Jesus after 2000 years is below. It's... interesting.
The press release for Fight of Gods is something else. "Jesus and Buddha punch the holy $*!% out of each other in FIGHT OF GODS!" it begins, enthusiastically.
"Prepare for Immortal Kombat!" it continues, stealing NetherRealm's use of a K instead of a C in Mortal Kombat.
Right, now brace yourself for the official blurb on Jesus' second coming:
"Who will prevail in the ultimate battle of gods? Will Jesus, fresh from ripping himself off the sacrificial cross, smite all his foes with the power of his Punishment Fist? Can Buddha slap his opponents into submission? Harness the power of fire, lightning, water, plagues and more as you pit gods and prophets such as Odin, Zeus, Amaterasu, Anubis, Moses and Athena against one another in one of the most unique and outlandish fighters ever created."
Stages include The Garden of Eden and the Red Sea. There's an arcade mode (eat your heart out, Street Fighter 5), versus and training modes.
Here's the best bit: there's a vote for which characters should be added next.
"Poseidon? Ra? Loki? Quetzalcoatl? Cthulu? Korean Jesus? Somebody else? We want to know who gets your vote for the next wave of fighters!"
Korean Jesus, I'd say.
There's a lot of wonderful, 'I think you'll find' potential to Fight of Gods (my Religious Education lessons are finally paying off!). Moses wasn't a god, for example. Was Jesus a god? Oh no, I've opened a can of worms here, haven't I?
All I know is, if you lose as Jesus it should take three days and three nights before you can pick him again. Unless you pay 50p to resurrect him sooner.