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David Braben doesn't mince his words. He believes Theme Park-style games are as fashionable as shooters, and that we haven't seen a truly next-generation game yet.

Don't buy this game. Which is to say, don't buy the game called Zelda no Densetsu: Mugen no Sunadokei. The game we've struggled through in Japanese, with the aid of a dog-eared printout from GameFAQs, in order to bring you this import review.

You might think that writing a review of an annual sports title would be as easy as creating the game itself. In other words, take last year's version, include a few new elements, fix what people didn't like last time...or ignore it if it cannot be fixed...slap the relevant year on it, and voila! Isn't that how publishers usually do it?

What the hockey gods giveth, they taketh away. Last season's innovation, the skill stick, gave us a clean control to rack up goals. "Finally," the fans spoke, "something fun and fluid to play with on offence." Making the right analog an analog for your player's stick was as good a design decision as we'd seen in sports games, and for a while, this advancement was enough to overlook other faults.

When Star Wars Battlefront II touched down on the PSP, alongside popular console and PC versions, there was a general sense of "why bother?" After all, what's the point of converting a game based around large-scale multiplayer skirmishes only to remove the online play? Battlefront II had other issues but the truncated PSP version offering support for only four players via a local ad hoc network was a pretty major one.

Aaaah. That's the sound of contentment. That's the sound I make whenever one of Nintendo's truly classic games pops up on the Virtual Console. That's the sound I'm making right now. Admittedly, it's also the noise I make when I have terrible trapped wind, which confuses matters somewhat, but I'm 99% certain that I'm making the noise right now because Super Metroid has finally morph-balled its way to virtual European shores. Aaaaah.

Two years on and the Xbox 360 finally gets its first adventure game (of sorts). Pull the party poppers! Oh, but hang on, it's another CSI game. Aren't they the ones Ubisoft releases with a degree of stealth that would make Sam Fisher proud? To put it politely, these aren't games that the French publisher likes to shout about. Go on, try and find the reviews for the other three CSI games on Eurogamer. Oh.

We are going to try the Halloween-themed beer that our favourite and very special friend Pub is offering this evening, and there we will talk about all the things that have happened this week. So I've been boning up. What did happen?

Activision has popped a new demo for Call of Duty 4 on the magical Internet.

Square Enix has said Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker will be available in Europe early next year.

You've heard it before. Rumble rumble honk honk and there goes a car full of spiky-haired and spotty teenagers, whose parents have just treated them to a shiny Honda Civic. It might even have fins for cutting through the air, or those pop-up headlamps no one else seems to want to call frog lights. You never know, the little bundle of testosterone might actually be heading to a race.

Like King of Swing before it, Jungle Climber is a Donkey Kong platform game where you use your hands instead of your feet. It's taken them 25 years to think of that, which makes you wonder what else we're missing. Like, why isn't there a FIFA where you can play as a referee, or a Sonic game where you can get run over by a lorry?

Tall basketball star Gilbert Arenas has cheated at Halo 3 by playing against dummy accounts to bump his skill level up.

Nintendo has said it has no plans to cut the price of the Wii in the US, and that it will remain at USD 249 for now, GamesIndustry.biz reports.

SEGA has whisked a demo for Virtua Fighter 5 onto Xbox Live.

Nintendo has popped two more oldies on the Virtual Console, lead by Super Metroid for the SNES.

As another week dissolves into a bubbly beer, so do lots of new bits and pieces make their way onto the PS3 Store.

All of games journalism went up London last night for the first ever Games Media Awards, where Eurogamer picked up three trophies.

LucasArts will be showing off its Wii lightsaber implementation in the UK this month for the first time ever.

As Championship Manager (and soon-to-be Football Manager) die-hards probably already know, developer Sports Interactive has delayed the launch of its Football Manager magazine until the end of May, in order to ensure that the coverdisk and mag have enough decent info to justify the £5.49 asking price.

This week's US update to the PlayStation Store sees the previously announced Everyday Shooter (USD 9.99) joined by a trio of demos - including one for Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction.

Electronic Arts has announced an agreement with Elevation Partners to acquire VG Holding Corp., the owner of both BioWare Corp. and Pandemic Studios, GamesIndustry.biz reports.

PS3 guitar peripherals for Rock Band and Guitar Hero 3 will not use Bluetooth technology at launch.

The smart sci-fi spoofery of Destroy All Humans is being spun-off for younger alien watchers in Big Willy Unleashed - and THQ has released the first teaser trailer now showing on Eurogamer TV.

Sierra Entertainment has poked us to say the F.E.A.R. Files demo is now available to download from Xbox Live.

Atari has opened the lid and shown us what's inside the Limited Edition version of The Witcher, which is due for release here on 26th October.

When Sony decided to reveal the first batch of titles for the PlayStation 3, few gamers even noticed how deep into the firm's history it had delved to find Warhawk - with early reports generally assuming that the shiny PS3 title was an entirely new franchise. Not so; the original Warhawk, in fact, was developed alongside Twisted Metal by Singletrac (who later became Incognito), and came out in 1995. What's more, it was really, really good.

The jock versus geek war wages even on the most microscopic scale. There have been some accusations, for instance that Supreme Commander can feel a little soulless compared to one of its more accessible peers such as Company of Heroes or Command & Conquer 3 - the jocks of RTS, the cool, popular kids who look purrrretty fine to you even if they're not, strictly speaking, your type. SupCom, by contrast, is the geek - the quiet one with a mighty mind throbbing furiously away behind his acquired-taste looks, but whose questionable social skills make it hard for him to make friends. Standalone expansion pack Forged Alliance hopes to change that. The trouble is, it has negative preconceptions to fight.

The RACE 07 review code arrived on the same day Team Fortress 2 entered my life. Unfortunate timing. I mean, who in their right mind would choose to drive a simulated Honda Accord round and round Anderstorp when they could be erecting sentry guns, beating medics to pulp with baseball bats, and plunging daggers into the backs of waddling heavies?

Online game developer Perpetual Entertainment, founded by Electronic Arts veterans Joe Keene and Chris McKibbin, has signed a deal with Viacom to produce a massively multiplayer Star Trek game - under the working title Star Trek Online - spanning all five TV series and 10 movies in the long-running sci-fi franchise.