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Online gaming and distribution is making more money than both the videos and music in the digital entertainment sector, GamesIndustry.biz reports.

Mending the wounds of the world - that's what What's New is known for - and so with Trauma Center: Second Opinion running its scalpel across the throat of a certain second syllable from today in Europe, we thought we'd celebrate by ignoring it and indeed all the other games and helping you with some of your gaming problems. So, thanks to all of you who wrote in with your problems! And don't write in any more because obviously this is a parody and it would backfire massively if you ended up actually clogging my email or people stopped reading because they misunderstood and felt rejected and alone and maybe topped themselves.

We routinely sit in front of our games consoles and think about what we want to play next, mentally plotting a time-line so we can shimmy our way out of social engagements ahead of time. But it isn't easy. Each publisher seems to slide their games around the calendar to keep us guessing, hiding this or announcing that to throw us off track.

You gobbled down the news, gargled the analysis, and maybe even stayed up way past your bedtime to binge on Tom and Ellie's Live Text banter-thons.

Waiting 15 or 20 years to release a sequel is perhaps not the most astute way to build a brand, but this is becoming a bit of a bad habit for SEGA. Remember the appalling remake of Altered Beast? Or worse, Shinobi? This week, it's Alien Syndrome's turn - a brand that's been left to gather dust since it debuted in arcades back in 1987. And guess what? It's not very good either. Sigh. Why do you do this to us, SEGA? If you can't transform these old relics into amazing games, just leave them be.

If news of next week's Team Fortress 2 beta has got you excited, you'll want to check out today's Meet the Engineer video to ride that high a bit further.

THQ has brought the release dates of Conan and Company of Heroes: Opposing Fronts forward to 28th September.

The last time I tangled with Guild Wars I was reprimanded (rightly so) for calling Nightfall an expansion pack. As it happens all three of previous Guild Wars games are essentially stand-alone games, each one allowing players to access a quite different area of the Guild Wars universe. Eye Of The North meanwhile really is an expansion pack. It caters only for people who have bought either Prophecies, Factions or Nightfall, and is accessible only when you have a level twenty character.

Being a vampire in Redemption is really no harder than being a human being - once you have taught yourself to stay indoors in sunny weather (though I dare say that most people who play this game do that anyway) and stick to the red liquor, things are remarkably easy. That is, unless you have done something silly, like get romantically entangled with a mortal...

Sony says that another minor firmware update for PlayStation 3 is in the offing.

Square Enix has roared that Final Fantasy Tactics: The War of the Lions will be in Euro shops on 5th October.

Sony has rolled down our news hill and sung confirmation that LocoRoco Cocoreccho will be available next Thursday on the PlayStation Network.

Hollywood director Roger Avary has been chatting about his big-screen take on Wolfenstein.

We've seen some pretty impressive weaponry in videogames of recent years, but never anything on this sort of scale. Most gun-porn, like Black, tends to agonise over a select few pieces of weaponry, leaving us with maybe nine or ten pieces to play around with. Borderlands, on the other hand, has half a million different guns. Admittedly we didn't see every single one at the game's unveiling in Leipzig, but we did see enough to convince us that the claim holds water - and also that the people at Gearbox Software have a frankly terrifying obsession with virtual weaponry.

Valve has made The Orange Box available to pre-order on Steam ahead of what is now a 10th October activation date - and those who pre-order will be able to play the Team Fortress 2 beta from 17th September.

Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction will be released in the US on 23rd October and in Europe this November, Insomniac's Ryan Schneider told Eurogamer today.

Sony Europe has told us this morning that the Blast Factor: Advanced Research add-on will be available sometime in October - not 20th September as ThreeSpeech suggests.

Developer CCP has beamed us a signal to say that EVE Online will be playable on Linux and Mac later this year.

With the 2007 NFL season lumbering into action last week Microsoft clearly saw the potential for some post-game impulse purchases on the ol' Live Arcade, as pumped-up frat boys staggered back to the dorm for some celebratory videogames and "brewskis". Hence, presumably, the arrival of this mostly forgotten American Football arcade game, which swaps steroid enhanced beefcakes for battling robots and the traditional pigskin for a bomb. Dude! It's, like, totally extreme!

Codemasters has kept its football-like lips closed about the release date of Sensible World of Soccer on Xbox Live Arcade.

Sierra Entertainment has told GamesIndustry.biz it isn't afraid to take more risks than other publishers and that it's ramping up development of new IP like Prototype and F.E.A.R.

SEGA has opened up its garage to reveal a quartet of monster-beast-things-with-wheels that you will be able to race in its upcoming Rally game.

An Emmy award has been presented to the Make Love, Not Warcraft episode of South Park.

"A 'computer virus'? What does one of those do?"

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune will be released on 20th November in the US and is still down for release this Christmas in Europe.

We've told you quite a lot about Stranglehold over these last few months, hopefully creating a hungry desire within you to play the game when it's released in early September. You know it's based around the Hard Boiled film by John Woo, for starters, with the same director lending his action panache to creating the game. And you know the story revolves around Tequila, a tough cop voiced by star-of-the-movie Chow Yun-Fat.

Not interested in Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on Xbox Live Arcade? Then why not play Sonic the Hedgehog 3 on Virtual Console instead? "Because I'm not American," says you. Well, says I, that's a YP, not an MP.

Alten8 has revealed that former Live Arcade creation Eternity's Child will now be made specially for Wii and DS.

Classic 16-bit platformer Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is this week's Xbox Live Arcade release, and will go for 400 Microsoft points (GBP 3.40 / EUR 4.65) when it launches around 10am BST tomorrow.

Mark Rein has said that Unreal Tournament 3 might not be released in November after all.