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It seems like a stupid idea, really. What's the use of a racing game with a plot, when presumably all the player wants to do is drive the fugging cars? When TOCA Race Driver appeared on PlayStation 2 last year, we were of mixed opinion as to whether or not the plot idea worked. Some eight months later, PC TOCA fans finally have the chance to get their hands on it. Does it live up to their and our expectations?

It takes a brave development studio to take on the legacy of Elite and Frontier - two of the videogames which defined the 8- and 16-bit eras of home computing and which are now viewed through spectacles so rose-tinted that it's extremely difficult for any game in even remotely the same genre to live up to the expectations they have created. Some noble attempts have been made, certainly - X: Beyond The Frontier is one which has a lot of fans, for a start - but in general, the sheer amount of content and the incredible reputation you have to live up to seems to dissuade developers from working on this kind of game.

Sony Europe really wants Primal to be well received. You can always tell a home grown Sony effort from its American or Japanese brothers, mainly because of the enormous marketing efforts that accompany every SCEE-developed release. As well as the recent Primal Art exhibition, there's been a truck load of advertising and even a lovely super-rare press pack: a whopping great box with a claw slash across the front, revealing a lavish character art book mounted in mock red velvet, and also housing a ribbon tied numbered art print [which Kristan kept, folks -bitter deputy]. Great stuff; but isn't it interesting that such beyond-the-call-of-duty efforts weren't afforded the recent SCEA developed titles Sly Raccoon, and The Mark of Kri? Both total flops in the UK, we might add, despite being two of the best games released on the PS2 this year.

When we first caught a glimpse of Kung Fu Chaos (at last year's E3?) our eyes glazed over with the kind of passing disinterest born out of witnessing 400 sequels and me-too titles. The sight of a comedy cartoon beat 'em up in the vein of Powerstone did little to hold our attention. With Microsoft-published titles of the era falling into two distinct categories (Genius - Halo, Gotham, and Rubbish - Azurik, Nightcaster) we hastily confined it to the latter category and thought nothing more of it.

If you think that a lot of games get released over here, spare a thought for the poor Japanese, who – on average – have the dubious pleasure of wading through three times the number we do. We know this after sitting through too many Chris Deering-hosted stat-fests, and we can't help but wonder what kinds of games we're 'missing out' on. We've heard that those crazy Japs go wild for GirlKrazy Sniff My Panties XI and Ladyboy Horse GoGo shenanigans, but the weary, dreary truth is that for the most part it's a world of sub-par action-adventure drivel.

RPGs. I get excited about RPGs. I steal them away into my bag and race home, boarding up my doors and arranging elaborate traps and puzzles to withstand intruders. However after an hour or so with Shining Soul I switched off the electrified cattle grid, tied up the swinging tree trunks with attached knives, and took the ten-pound note out of the mousetrap. It's really not worth the bother.

Slapping a movie license onto a game is a sure sign that it'll stink the office out within seconds of the cellophane wrapper's removal. All being equal, the cost of the license alone normally robs a publisher of the ability to afford to produce anything more than sub-budget gaming toss. Even the mighty EA still hasn't made a truly memorable James Bond game after five fairly heinous attempts. Expecting a Matrix-inspired game to be any good is stretching the bounds of optimism, eh?

BloodRayne. It sounds like a B-movie, doesn't it? Well, we'll let you in on something: it looks, sounds, walks, talks and feels like a B-movie, too. It's a magnet for clichés. Oh you want examples? How about Nazis with supernatural ambitions, vampires and spectral law enforcement agencies (like Nocturne, then), zombies, mutants, giant spiders, bouncing breasts, wacky accents, bullet time, zoom vision, an abundance of firearms, swamps, mountainside installations, rocket launchers, mystical artefacts, acrobatic combat, and, lest we forget, abattoir-threatening levels of blood spillage. You see what we mean now.

We're not going to pretend that we're big snooker enthusiasts (well, I'm not anyway). We enjoy a bit of pool down the pub every now and then, but that's about as far as our cue-stroking experience extends. Hopefully the new PlayStation 2 incarnation of Codemasters' "award winning" snooker franchise might stoke in us a glimmer of enthusiasm for the game. Hopefully.

GameBoy Advance games generally cost in the region of €45 / £30. This is unfortunate, particularly for 16-bit ports, which nobody can really be bothered to spend that much money on - unless they're dynamite, that is, like The Legend Of Zelda or Super Mario World. As a result, perfectly decent games are rendered totally inaccessible, because they aren't new, and they don't generally represent good value for money. Gaming has moved on. Even handheld gaming. And many games get dragged out again and left behind, their reputations tarnished as a result.

Ah. What we have here is three old-school (class of '87 in the case of PS I) turn-based RPGs with more random battles than Square has packed into 10 whole Final Fantasies, and a B-movie-style sci-fi premise (the game is set in "Space Century 342", and the government drones are called "Robotcops") which doesn't take itself too seriously.

If you're a game developer seeking an original idea for a game, one of the easy ways out is to combine two established genres, blending compatible elements of gameplay until such time as you have a game that will force journalists and PR people alike to invent mind-bending new double- and triple-barrelled descriptions. Tactical Stealth Action, Strategic Role Playing Game, First Person Adventure - see what I mean?

If you're a game developer seeking an original idea for a game, one of the easy ways out is to combine two established genres, blending compatible elements of gameplay until such time as you have a game that will force journalists and PR people alike to invent mind-bending new double- and triple-barrelled descriptions. Tactical Stealth Action, Strategic Role Playing Game, First Person Adventure - see what I mean?

War. Huh. What is it good for? Absolutely nuttin' sang the late, great Edwyn Starr, slightly naively. You see, what Mr Starr failed to realise is that all that mass death, misery, fear and destruction would, one day provide a perverse form of entertainment based on the harrowing events of past, present and even future conflicts. God bless the first person shooter, and all those who lose themselves in its bullet-spraying madness.

It would be fair to say that my neighbours (some of whom are impressionable children, I'm sad to say) have heard a lot of swearing recently. But before Kristan, Martin, Rob and Rupert jump in with a collective "what's new?", let me clarify that this is a volume of swearing that would frighten the hosts of a Tourette's support group. In fact, if you compiled every four letter word uttered during the last ten years and condensed it into an evening, that'd be the equivalent of my reaction to the second major boss in X-Men 2: Wolverine's Revenge. Wendigo: I salute your ability to raise my blood pressure.

Crimson Sea. Could be about anything, that. The most important thing though, surely, is that it has nothing to do with Blood Wake. In fact, this one's from Koei, masters of "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", and drags the developer's trademark thousand-unit battles into a sci-fi, anime-inspired setting, with ludicrous cleavage, bright spiky hair and wacky translations - with wacky voice acting no less.

The point and click adventure genre once provided some of the most richly entertaining gaming experiences of all time, and it's impossible not to feel enormous pangs of nostalgia for the years when LucasArts ruled supreme with an unbroken string of unfeasibly entertaining (and legendarily hilarious) titles that rank alongside the best games ever made.

According to messrs Nintendo, Infogrames and Sega, this is the first online game for a next-gen console in Europe! Well, that's just plain bollocks, isn't it? Xbox Live has been kicking around since the end of November, the PS2 has had online games to some degree for ages (like Tony Hawk), and wasn't the Dreamcast supposedly next-gen anyway? Let's not get bogged down by semantics, you might well say, but hey, we're not the ones who wrote the silly press release.

Age of Mythology fans have been dealt a new campaign to keep them happy this morning, in the shape of an official offering from Ensemble Studios. Called "The Golden Gift", the campaign catalogues dwarven brothers Brokk and Eitri (featured in the AoM Fall of the Trident campaign) and their first meeting with the Norse god Loki. Far from a few maps and squiggles of text, this campaign includes four scenarios, and new voice acting by the original actors.

After all the hype, the plaudits and the TV ads Splinter Cell hardly needs much of an introduction. But is it another compelling reason to own an Xbox, or a pretty but overrated attempt to depose the mulleted Solid Snake from the stealth action throne?

Last week's competition focused on naming the chap from TOCA Race Driver. His name was of course Mac and CHEESE [so, Ryan McKane -Ed]. The three winners, each of whom takes home a copy of TOCA Race Driver and a lovely T-shirt courtesy of Codemasters, were Dominic Mason, Tom Brocken and Rahman Hyatt! Lucky fellas. We'll be in contact shortly to get your addresses!

Microsoft has issued a typically long and arduous press release today excitedly reporting that more than 50,000 people are using Xbox Live across Europe - which presumably also includes those accumulated by the Test Drive phase since November. In total, there are about 350,000 people using the service worldwide according to Microsoft's estimates. What's more, they say, the next couple of months will throw up a number of new titles to keep players happy.

These days, we half expect to find leftover remnants of development in PC games - particularly first person shooters. Old weapon code, unused levels, etc, all hidden away in data archives and unearthed by the mod-hungry communities, which invariably spring up in the face of a new and exciting title.

Monte Cristo today announced the planned release of Fire Chief for PC during the month of June. It's a simple enough idea - you control a squad of specialised firefighters and vehicles, and have to make the right decisions to tackle devastating blazes in various scenarios.

This week is actually not so bad for games, despite a bit of confusion as to whether they're out today. We hardly expect the shops to be closed tomorrow though, so you should be able to get them then regardless.

KOEI has announced plans to bring PS2-based Dynasty Warriors 4 to Europe on June 27th, the latest title in the popular Taction series (that's Tactical Action shortened - do you like it?). The fourth game has more than 50 levels across 17 maps, one-on-one duels with enemy officers, lots of siege engines, the ability to create your own officers and bodyguards, new character-specific special attacks, a brand new weapon experience system and a revamped Musou mode. All of the old characters return, too, with over 40 playable in total including three new fellas: Cao Ren, Zhou Tai and Yue Ying.

A few details of the Ritual Entertainment/Valve Software combined effort to bring Counter-Strike to the Xbox have been revealed. As well as tacking the original multiplayer game to the single player Condition Zero project, there are some extra features of interest that are apparently exclusive to the Xbox version. As well as being playable over Xbox Live (natch), there will be a couple of extra weapons, namely a machete and a syringe, and also the ability for players to formulate custom game modes. We're not quite sure what that last bit means yet, though, as details are extremely scant. More information when we get it.

A sequel to Terminal Reality's BloodRayne is in development according to this job advert requesting applications for a lead artist on the project. Sounds like a good job too - I wish I got dental insurance with this gig!

Mythic Entertainment is planning another, free expansion pack. Or should we say extension? Entitled Dark Age of Camelot: Foundations, it introduces houses to the online RPG, allowing players to buy the deed to one of several types of house, customised for each realm, and then add decorative trophies, weapons and such, and even basement trade areas and vaults for up to 100 items. As well as offering safe haven and a decent meeting place, the houses will act as a valuable asset, with a housing market which is expected to fluctuate according to demand.

Zoom's Mr. Moskeeto is to get a PS2 follow-up, also according to Famitsu this morning. Known as Ka in Japan, Moskeeto was obviously quite popular, because it was picked up by Eidos for their Fresh Games label (whatever happened to that?) and released to utter disinterest over here. It wasn't a bad game though, although Martin might disagree with me, it was just a bit difficult to control and a bit boring after a while.