Retrospective: Bionic Commando

It's not immediately apparent how to get around with a bionic arm, though. We've been trained for years that the best way to launch oneself far is to release at the apex of one's swing, but in fact releasing towards the middle offers greater propulsion.

Getting into the swing of swinging things takes some getting used to, but the accomplishment is meaningful. It's something you've earned. When it clicks, it works so well that playing any third-person shooter without a grappling hook feels archaic in comparison. Was Just Cause 2 the only game to get the memo?

After playing through Bionic Commando on each of its three difficulty settings, I couldn't look at the real world without imagining how I'd swing around it. Streetlights, buildings and ceilings were transformed in my mind. At every turn I found myself frustrated with our antiquated legs and arms. Bionic Commando makes me dream of a better world where we all have bionic arms and never get stuck in traffic (shut up - it would be better).

While Bionic Commando's 2009 outing lacks the retro stylings and kooky characters of its predecessors, it's not entirely humorless either. It just presents its rambunctious personality in different ways. When facing off against a giant mechanical worm (which you actually get to fight, unlike the one in Gears of War 2), Spencer retorts, "Is that a long health bar or are you just happy to see me?"

Your contact replies, "There's no way out. You'll just have to fight it." Upon dying and starting over he'll change his tack to, "There's no way out. You'll just have to f*** it."

"Ummm...?" Spencer snickers. This line is never repeated again no matter how many times you die. Even stranger, the subtitle still reads "fight it". Not since I woke up slaying vampires in Snake's dream in Metal Gear Solid 3 have I been so afraid I was hallucinating. (I've checked around and it really happened. I'm not hearing things. Well, not these things.)

With such attention to detail, it's a shame GRiN went under shortly after its release. Due to poor marketing, middling review scores, and some misguided attempts at baditude, Bionic Commando fell by the wayside for many. It's not all bad news though. Several GRiN staff moved on to Fatshark to work on Bionic Commando Rearmed 2, and our angsty tank-topped pal made an appearance in Marvel vs. Capcom 3.

Then again, limiting the agile Spencer to an enclosed fighting arena seems cruel, like that Star Trek episode where people find themselves part of an intergalactic zoo. Captivity doesn't suit a man who was born to swing. Maybe his devil may care attitude wasn't misguided after all, but a cathartic last stand. Sometimes, you just have to f*** it.