Retrospective: Earth Defence Force 2017

Maybe it's just one more reflection of the game's apparent quick'n'dirty development style, which so successfully priorities excess over finesse, but I like to think everyone's already been evacuated, and you've been given a mandate to stop the aliens at all costs. Architecture doesn't matter - only killing insects and robots matters. So, you might as well nobble a few skyscrapers while you've got that rocket launcher on you anyway. Perks of the job and all that. No-one gets hurt, so millions of pounds' of property damage feels like jolly hijinks rather than the sadistic brutality it could have been. Your rocket's launchers not just for killing ants: it's for creating your own festival of destruction.

Ah, those weapons. They escalate in power and ludicrousness as you play through the game, picking up drops from slain aliens. They make this much sense: none. A simple machinegun can take down an army of flying robots that have apparently just destroyed humanity's entire air force. A hand grenade somehow packs enough power for a 100-foot blast radius of insta-death into something the size of a kitten's head. A missile launcher the size of a large dog, but somehow light enough to carry in one hand, can fire eight homing rockets at once. Oh, and ammo is infinite. Go figure. EDF isn't interested in giving any answers - just shut up and shoot stuff.

EDF has giant insects, giant robots, really giant robots and mecha-Godzilla. EDF has a mammoth death toll, and weapons that can level buildings. EDF is made of 10-minute missions that are positively built for drunken co-op fun. So why wasn't EDF absolutely huge? When brown shooter after brown shooter is released to rapturous acclaim and insane sales, a colourful, explosion-packed videogame that is all about the joy of videogames should have stuck out like a sore ant-thumb.

Blame the lack of a decent marketing effort. Blame the failure of much of the games press at the time to afford it the same degree of coverage as Shooting Men In Brown In A Brown World IV. Blame the lack of online multiplayer and Achievements. Blame the spiteful forum-whinging about the graphics and the lack of a crouch button. Blame an endemic attitude throughout games culture that rewards the familiar but ignores novelty. And now it's out of print. In a right and just world, this would be re-released on Xbox Live Arcade for a budget price, and it'd take over the world. Then we'd get a sequel with Live support and incredi-graphics. It won't happen, of course. EDF's ship has sailed, leaving only faint echoes of its enthusiasts occasionally passing across the internet.

You press a button and a building explodes. EDF! EDF! EDF!