Weekly PAL Releases Roundup

Is it 5pm already? Bloody hell. Er, emergency format!

Dunno, no, yes, no, dunno, maybe, no, no, no, dunno, no, no, no, no, dunno, dunno, dunno, didn't send it to us which suggests no, watch out for dodgy port, no, doubt it, dunno, YES!

Which, if you've been keeping up, leaves only one undecided: Disney's new Turok first-person shooter.

Disney obviously has a lot of faith in it, what with not returning any of my calls or emails for ages and then belatedly sending us review code to arrive this morning amid a flurry of claims it was sent beforehand, etc. etc.

The review copy is dispatched with - I'm sure you'll want to know - spaceman food, like steak in a bag, laminated fruit, and a biscuit. They also sent one of those cracky light-stick things people drop down holes in films.

But is the game any good? Well, the first two hours aren't. The graphics are odd, the difficulty's all over the place, the analogue aiming is horrible, there's persistent screen-tearing, and the only reason the stealth system works is that you have to keep redoing sections so often you learn where everyone is by rote, so can dance through them leading a bloody jig.

The story, which comes on strong at the beginning, seems to have bottled it too. Now, I just walk along and a man called Slade turns around and calls me a **** every now and then. It's also annoyingly earnest, a bit like the South Park episodes where things are played serious for laughs. And hearing someone referred to as "Turok" in a sincere and macho Aliens-esque fashion is a bit like watching Predator except they've changed all the names to things like "Sonic the Hedgehog" and "Izzie from Waterloo Road".

Others reckon it warms up once you stop rushing it, though, so we will try to take our time. Providing we don't smash up the TV in anger first.

Anyway, sorry there isn't more, but I've got to go home and stab dinosaurs.

This week:

• Agatha Christie: And Then There Were None (Wii)
• An Arctic Tale (Wii)
• Art of Fighting Anthology (PS2)
• Cars Mater-National (Wii)
• Conflict: Denied Ops (PS3, Xbox 360, PC)
• Devil May Cry 4 (PS3, Xbox 360)
• Final Fantasy I Anniversary Edition (PSP)
• Final Fantasy II Anniversary Edition (PSP)
• Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends: Imagination Invades (DS)
• Lifesigns: Hospital Affairs (DS)
• Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games (DS)
• Medal of Honor: Heroes 2 (Wii)
• NFL Tour (PS3)
• Nitrobike (Wii)
• PDC World Darts Championship 2008 (Wii)
• Pic Pic (DS)
• POP! (Wii)
• Professor Kageyama's Maths Training (DS)
• Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords (Wii, PS2)
• Showtime Championship Boxing (Wii)
• Speedball 2 - Tournament (PC)
• Tangram Mania (DS)
• The Club (PS3, Xbox 360)
• Turok (PS3, Xbox 360)