What's New? (23rd Nov, 2007)

Hello and welcome to What's New: Written In A Hurry Before Lunch Edition, where we relive the excitement of Wednesday night's football success (Crouchigol!) by splitting the games into two teams and making them chase a punch-line around the page until the final word-count. First, over to Trendy McZeitgeist with the team news!

"Good news Internet! It looks like controversial manager Today's Belaboured Joke has named Sight Training in goal (replacing Embattled Scapegoat), with The King of Fighters '94 in defence, Mario & Sonic on the wings, a Jackass in midfield, and My Horse and Me deployed at the head of a controversial Tube Station blockade to prevent angry fans going home afterwards."

Sounds intriguing, Trendy, but who can they expect to line up against under this rapidly deteriorating premise?

"Well the good news is that after the first couple of paragraphs were a lot less amusing than we expected we've been advised to wrap up this riff quickly and try and salvage things with made-up anecdotes about how we were accosted by Horse Polices on the way to Wembley Park.

"With that in mind we're still waiting for confirmation of the final line-up, but we do expect it to be less funny than the other lot because we've already foolishly used up the few possible jokes and now find ourselves rather confused and worried about whether we'll have to scrap the whole thing and try again."

That's the folly of reaching for low-hanging fruit, obviously. So Trendy, what are we likely to see from tonight's subsequent paragraphs?

"Judging by the contents of the list below, I'd expect to see a pretty significant change in approach from all involved, and perhaps even some brief commentary on other new releases like Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, which comes with a collapsible guitar and includes songs by the likes of bands, and Need For Speed ProStreet, which comes without steering and includes cars by the likes of car manufacturers, and Kane & Lynch: Dead Men, which comes from the makers of Hitman, and includes Kane and Lynch.

"And dead men."

So, lunch?

"Yes."

This week:

• Ace Combat 6: Fires of Liberation (Xbox 360)
• Beowulf (PS3)
• Bomberman Story DS (DS)
• Boulder Dash - Rocks! (DS)
• Bubble Bobble (Wii Virtual Console - NES)
• Cars Mater-National (PS2, DS, PC)
• Code Lyoko (Wii, DS)
• Dewy's Adventure (Wii)
• Final Fantasy XI: Wings of the Goddess (PC, Xbox 360)
• G-Police (PlayStation Store - PSone game for PSP/PS3)
• Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock (PS3, Xbox 360, Wii, PS2)
• Jackass: The Game (PS2, PSP)
• Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (PS3, Xbox 360, PC)
• Lair (PS3)
• Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games (Wii)
• Mario Party DS (DS)
• Mass Effect (Xbox 360)
• My Horse and Me (Wii, DS)
• NBA 2K8 (PS3, PS2)
• Need for Speed ProStreet (PS3, Xbox 360, Wii, PS2, PC, DS)
• NHL 2K8 (PS3)
• Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots (DS)
• Painkiller: Overdose (PC)
• Phantasy Star Universe: Ambition of Illuminus (Xbox 360)
• Sight Training (DS)
• Smarty Pants (Wii)
• Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance (PC)
• The King of Fighters '94 (Wii Virtual Console - NeoGeo)
• Undertow (Xbox Live Arcade)
• Unreal Tournament III (PC)
• Warhammer 40,000: Squad Command (PSP)