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Silent Hill's a strange and wonderful place. Full of twisted nightmares, ruined lives, half truths, yet always a faint shred of hope. A hastily abandoned place, the sort you can imagine David Lynch, or members of Slipknot growing up in. Nothing ever quite adds up, but there's always the sense that it might one day. Somewhere among this otherwordly place exists a framework for basing the most sinister, haunted, and unhinged horror games you'll ever experience.

How exciting. Devastation is a First Person Shooter. Whoop! It doesn't appear to be much different from a whole plethora of other First Person Shooters out there, and it's even powered by a heavily modified Unreal engine, along with a lot of other shooters that have passed our way without so much as a cursory glance. But with extended play of the snapshot of Devastation we were provided with, it's more like a First Person Shooter... with a twist of lemon.

We have to admit to being somewhat pleasantly surprised to take possession of the latest in the Zelda saga three days before its US release. But never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, we thought it was only fair to deliver our early thoughts on what stands as one of the most important games Nintendo has ever released. With large retail chains the UK over seemingly intent on deserting the GameCube less than a year into its lifespan, the Big N needs a huge hit on the format like never before.

Now this is a proper game - fast cars, famous locations, cheesy acting, gloriously addictive gameplay. We've spent long enough waiting for Microsoft to get its act together with a third Midtown Madness, and thanks to the careful guidance of DICE, it looks like it finally has. It has everything: multiple cities (Paris and Washington), tons of vehicles (including all your old favourites), mission-based driving, checkpoint races, choose-your-own-route blitz races, and plenty of multiplayer modes - even Xbox Live support! What more could we ask? [errrm…sexy visuals? -Graphic Whore Ed]

Scan your eyes over this list of recently released games and ask yourself what they have in common: Ratchet & Clank, Sly Raccoon, Dr Muto, Haven, Ape Escape 2, Treasure Planet, Jinx, Rayman 3, Blinx, Mario Sunshine, Ty The Tasmanian Tiger, Pac Man World 2, ToeJam & Earl III, and Crash Bandicoot 2: N-Tranced. Unless you're really out of touch, you'll have certainly have noted that they all involve object collection and platforming, and all have been born to the world since October 2002. Now say hello to latecomer Vexx and try to look the snub-nosed intruder in the eye without spitting contempt in his stupid generic face.

We didn't really set out for this to be some sort of anti-Acclaim week, but for some reason after dealing with the lamentable Vexx yesterday we're taking a look at the equally tawdry and hopeless Dakar 2 today. A product of Acclaim Studios Cheltenham, Dakar 2 dramatises the race from Paris, France to Dakar, Senegal with less gusto than mid-90s Skoda salesman, and all the visual splendour of a mucky day in Bognor Regis.

Despite the heritage of the original PlayStation as the platform to own for the Japanese RPG fan, its successor is surprisingly under-stocked in this department - in Europe, at least. Aside from the fantastic Final Fantasy X, European gamers really only have the likes of Dark Cloud, almost-an-RPG Square-Disney collaboration Kingdom Hearts and the tragically under-rated Shadow Hearts to choose from - slim pickings indeed. Of course, this picture is much better Stateside, where the likes of Suikoden III, .hack and Xenosaga have been released, and the lucky Japanese just got their mitts on Final Fantasy X-2 and Star Ocean 3: Till the End of Time, but for European gamers without the ability to play imports (or indeed speak Japanese), such turn-based delights are still a long way off.

It seems utterly bizarre that Konami chooses to produce two football games a year, especially when one is godlike in its genius and the other one is dandruff inducingly uninspiring, but the vague plan seems to be to produce a more arcade (i.e. FIFA-esque) oriented alternative. The concept in itself isn't a bad one; after all, not everyone has the time, the skill, or the energy required to become competent at Pro Evo. A pick up and play equivalent would seem like a worthy aim, apart from the fact that since the series made its PS2 debut back in the latter part of 2000 it has served only to highlight the yawning gulf in class between PES and ISS. Add to that the sudden return to form of FIFA, and suddenly Konami has much to do to compete. Third time lucky, perhaps?

You probably haven't heard much about War of the Monsters, which is good, because the game works best when it comes as an unexpected sock to the mouth. It's like a subtle blend of Powerstone and Rampage, inspired by 50s and 60s drive-in monster movies - and at times it's unlike any other beat 'em up we've played.

It seems like a stupid idea, really. What's the use of a racing game with a plot, when presumably all the player wants to do is drive the fugging cars? When TOCA Race Driver appeared on PlayStation 2 last year, we were of mixed opinion as to whether or not the plot idea worked. Some eight months later, PC TOCA fans finally have the chance to get their hands on it. Does it live up to their and our expectations?

It takes a brave development studio to take on the legacy of Elite and Frontier - two of the videogames which defined the 8- and 16-bit eras of home computing and which are now viewed through spectacles so rose-tinted that it's extremely difficult for any game in even remotely the same genre to live up to the expectations they have created. Some noble attempts have been made, certainly - X: Beyond The Frontier is one which has a lot of fans, for a start - but in general, the sheer amount of content and the incredible reputation you have to live up to seems to dissuade developers from working on this kind of game.

Sony Europe really wants Primal to be well received. You can always tell a home grown Sony effort from its American or Japanese brothers, mainly because of the enormous marketing efforts that accompany every SCEE-developed release. As well as the recent Primal Art exhibition, there's been a truck load of advertising and even a lovely super-rare press pack: a whopping great box with a claw slash across the front, revealing a lavish character art book mounted in mock red velvet, and also housing a ribbon tied numbered art print [which Kristan kept, folks -bitter deputy]. Great stuff; but isn't it interesting that such beyond-the-call-of-duty efforts weren't afforded the recent SCEA developed titles Sly Raccoon, and The Mark of Kri? Both total flops in the UK, we might add, despite being two of the best games released on the PS2 this year.

When we first caught a glimpse of Kung Fu Chaos (at last year's E3?) our eyes glazed over with the kind of passing disinterest born out of witnessing 400 sequels and me-too titles. The sight of a comedy cartoon beat 'em up in the vein of Powerstone did little to hold our attention. With Microsoft-published titles of the era falling into two distinct categories (Genius - Halo, Gotham, and Rubbish - Azurik, Nightcaster) we hastily confined it to the latter category and thought nothing more of it.

If you think that a lot of games get released over here, spare a thought for the poor Japanese, who – on average – have the dubious pleasure of wading through three times the number we do. We know this after sitting through too many Chris Deering-hosted stat-fests, and we can't help but wonder what kinds of games we're 'missing out' on. We've heard that those crazy Japs go wild for GirlKrazy Sniff My Panties XI and Ladyboy Horse GoGo shenanigans, but the weary, dreary truth is that for the most part it's a world of sub-par action-adventure drivel.

RPGs. I get excited about RPGs. I steal them away into my bag and race home, boarding up my doors and arranging elaborate traps and puzzles to withstand intruders. However after an hour or so with Shining Soul I switched off the electrified cattle grid, tied up the swinging tree trunks with attached knives, and took the ten-pound note out of the mousetrap. It's really not worth the bother.

Slapping a movie license onto a game is a sure sign that it'll stink the office out within seconds of the cellophane wrapper's removal. All being equal, the cost of the license alone normally robs a publisher of the ability to afford to produce anything more than sub-budget gaming toss. Even the mighty EA still hasn't made a truly memorable James Bond game after five fairly heinous attempts. Expecting a Matrix-inspired game to be any good is stretching the bounds of optimism, eh?

BloodRayne. It sounds like a B-movie, doesn't it? Well, we'll let you in on something: it looks, sounds, walks, talks and feels like a B-movie, too. It's a magnet for clichés. Oh you want examples? How about Nazis with supernatural ambitions, vampires and spectral law enforcement agencies (like Nocturne, then), zombies, mutants, giant spiders, bouncing breasts, wacky accents, bullet time, zoom vision, an abundance of firearms, swamps, mountainside installations, rocket launchers, mystical artefacts, acrobatic combat, and, lest we forget, abattoir-threatening levels of blood spillage. You see what we mean now.

We're not going to pretend that we're big snooker enthusiasts (well, I'm not anyway). We enjoy a bit of pool down the pub every now and then, but that's about as far as our cue-stroking experience extends. Hopefully the new PlayStation 2 incarnation of Codemasters' "award winning" snooker franchise might stoke in us a glimmer of enthusiasm for the game. Hopefully.

GameBoy Advance games generally cost in the region of €45 / £30. This is unfortunate, particularly for 16-bit ports, which nobody can really be bothered to spend that much money on - unless they're dynamite, that is, like The Legend Of Zelda or Super Mario World. As a result, perfectly decent games are rendered totally inaccessible, because they aren't new, and they don't generally represent good value for money. Gaming has moved on. Even handheld gaming. And many games get dragged out again and left behind, their reputations tarnished as a result.

Ah. What we have here is three old-school (class of '87 in the case of PS I) turn-based RPGs with more random battles than Square has packed into 10 whole Final Fantasies, and a B-movie-style sci-fi premise (the game is set in "Space Century 342", and the government drones are called "Robotcops") which doesn't take itself too seriously.

If you're a game developer seeking an original idea for a game, one of the easy ways out is to combine two established genres, blending compatible elements of gameplay until such time as you have a game that will force journalists and PR people alike to invent mind-bending new double- and triple-barrelled descriptions. Tactical Stealth Action, Strategic Role Playing Game, First Person Adventure - see what I mean?

If you're a game developer seeking an original idea for a game, one of the easy ways out is to combine two established genres, blending compatible elements of gameplay until such time as you have a game that will force journalists and PR people alike to invent mind-bending new double- and triple-barrelled descriptions. Tactical Stealth Action, Strategic Role Playing Game, First Person Adventure - see what I mean?

War. Huh. What is it good for? Absolutely nuttin' sang the late, great Edwyn Starr, slightly naively. You see, what Mr Starr failed to realise is that all that mass death, misery, fear and destruction would, one day provide a perverse form of entertainment based on the harrowing events of past, present and even future conflicts. God bless the first person shooter, and all those who lose themselves in its bullet-spraying madness.

It would be fair to say that my neighbours (some of whom are impressionable children, I'm sad to say) have heard a lot of swearing recently. But before Kristan, Martin, Rob and Rupert jump in with a collective "what's new?", let me clarify that this is a volume of swearing that would frighten the hosts of a Tourette's support group. In fact, if you compiled every four letter word uttered during the last ten years and condensed it into an evening, that'd be the equivalent of my reaction to the second major boss in X-Men 2: Wolverine's Revenge. Wendigo: I salute your ability to raise my blood pressure.

Crimson Sea. Could be about anything, that. The most important thing though, surely, is that it has nothing to do with Blood Wake. In fact, this one's from Koei, masters of "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", and drags the developer's trademark thousand-unit battles into a sci-fi, anime-inspired setting, with ludicrous cleavage, bright spiky hair and wacky translations - with wacky voice acting no less.

The point and click adventure genre once provided some of the most richly entertaining gaming experiences of all time, and it's impossible not to feel enormous pangs of nostalgia for the years when LucasArts ruled supreme with an unbroken string of unfeasibly entertaining (and legendarily hilarious) titles that rank alongside the best games ever made.

According to messrs Nintendo, Infogrames and Sega, this is the first online game for a next-gen console in Europe! Well, that's just plain bollocks, isn't it? Xbox Live has been kicking around since the end of November, the PS2 has had online games to some degree for ages (like Tony Hawk), and wasn't the Dreamcast supposedly next-gen anyway? Let's not get bogged down by semantics, you might well say, but hey, we're not the ones who wrote the silly press release.

Age of Mythology fans have been dealt a new campaign to keep them happy this morning, in the shape of an official offering from Ensemble Studios. Called "The Golden Gift", the campaign catalogues dwarven brothers Brokk and Eitri (featured in the AoM Fall of the Trident campaign) and their first meeting with the Norse god Loki. Far from a few maps and squiggles of text, this campaign includes four scenarios, and new voice acting by the original actors.

After all the hype, the plaudits and the TV ads Splinter Cell hardly needs much of an introduction. But is it another compelling reason to own an Xbox, or a pretty but overrated attempt to depose the mulleted Solid Snake from the stealth action throne?

Last week's competition focused on naming the chap from TOCA Race Driver. His name was of course Mac and CHEESE [so, Ryan McKane -Ed]. The three winners, each of whom takes home a copy of TOCA Race Driver and a lovely T-shirt courtesy of Codemasters, were Dominic Mason, Tom Brocken and Rahman Hyatt! Lucky fellas. We'll be in contact shortly to get your addresses!